Horror as ancient bacterial civilisation is wiped out

Thousands of generations, billions of lives, a mighty cultural heritage – it was all destroyed in an instant eight seconds ago, when the wrath of the mighty god Domestos descended from the heavens onto the ancient E. Coli bacteria colony in the Great Skidmark just below the rim of the downstairs toilet at 38 Fairfax Terrace in Mansfield.

A few million E. Coli living on the edge of the Great Skidmark that has for hundreds of thousands of seconds sustained their civilisation escaped the destruction and trekked 3 millimetres away to a smaller skidmark under the leadership of the intrepid EY2333987-03.

‘It was a vision of hell,’ said an appalled EY2333987-03. ‘The destruction just poured in from the sky, most of our brothers and sisters had no chance. We barely had time to breed two more generations before it was all over.’

‘It’s not about me – I’m 20 minutes old, I’ve had my time,’ sobbed JHF-987-009873658. ‘But when I think about those countless young lives that have been needlessly ended, why, if I evolved for a few billion years, I could weep.’

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