‘Jesus, the bloke’s forty now, and all he can bloody talk about is his holiday on Earth,’ said one of ET’s cousins, at the fortieth birthday of the once celebrated space traveller, ‘it really is time he moved on.’
Jupiter Simpkins – better known as ET – grabbed headlines all over the galaxy when he became the youngest space traveller to visit Earth. His triumphant return had the biggest ratings of any broadcast in the galaxy’s history. A picture of ET on any publication was enough to quadruple circulation.
But slowly, thing began to go horribly wrong. ‘I was just a kid, I couldn’t really handle what was going on,’ said ET. Having been typecast, ET found it difficult to get work. Worse still, wherever he went in the galaxy, other aliens would shout his catch phrase at him. When opening a garden fete, ET shocked the audience when he suddenly snapped: ‘If one more person shouts ‘home’ at me, I’m going to chin the bastard. Got that.’