Police were called to a hypothetical dinner party last night, after Gandhi and Nelson Mandela resumed hostilities as tensions continue to run high between the two top guests on the ideal dinner party guest circuit.
‘It was the usual story,’ said Oscar Wilde. ‘Everyone was exchanging profound, witty and entertaining insights around the dinner table in a three-bed Barratt Home in Tewkesbury, when it became obvious that Mohandas had sunk one Merlot too many. He starts winding Nelson right up for voting for Richard Dunwoody on Strictly last week, next thing the racial slurs and insinuations about their mothers’ sexual promiscuity are flying around.
‘Elvis tried to hold Nelson back, but he smacks Gandhi right on the slaphead. Shakespeare and Mae West tried to diffuse the situation with a game of Spin the Bottle, but it was too late. Let’s hope another night in the cells straightens them out before tomorrow’s fondue in Dundee and Nelson spares us all the usual histrionics when he’s released on bail.’