NewsBiscuit

Football supporters of Britain’s top clubs will be forced to take desperate measures this weekend, following an announcement that the rights to their traditional chants have been sold to a large multinational corporation.

In a multi-million pound deal, the estate of Arthur Thackwell; the author of such classics as ‘She Fell Over’, ‘The Referee’s a Wanker’ and ‘You’re Shit and You Know You Are’; sold the rights to his material to Harrison Multimedia, a company renowned for aggressively prosecuting unsanctioned performances of its ‘assets’.

‘Basically if we want to chant at a game, we have to pay a substantial performance fee – something that the average fan can’t afford these days.’ complained celebrity Arsenal fan Dermot O’Leary. ‘We all laughed at West Ham when Michael Jackson bought the rights to I’m Forever Blowing Bubbles, but with hindsight it was just the tip of the iceberg.’

The deal means that this weekend, the terraces will resound not to the usual taunts and tunes, but to a variety of ad-hoc communal activities as fans struggle to adapt. Birmingham City supporters club is said to be indoctrinating it’s members into the complexities of freeform acapella jazz, whilst Kidderminster Harriers are reported to have hired a number of mime artists for Saturday’s game against AFC Wimbledon.

However some supporters’ organisations have turned the situation to their advantage, with notorious hooligans the Chelsea Head-hunters securing a deal from Amy Winehouse’s record label Lioness Records. In return for substantial sponsorship, the Head-hunters will sing a selection of Amy’s songs during Chelsea’s next fixture, although some commentators have questioned the wisdom of associating the songstress with a drugged up, excessively tattooed layabout.

Posted: Oct 3rd, 2009 by jp1885