Have-a-go hero denies ‘over-zealous’ charge

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Tonbridge paramedic Darren Hawkswood has been dismissed from his job after trying to save un-endangered lives, according to the West Kent Primary Care Trust. Hawkswood, who is seeking compensation for unfair dismissal, denies charges of attempted bodily harm on a number of perfectly healthy people browsing in the Angel Walk Shopping Centre last Saturday.

‘I have been trained to spot signs of illness and distress’ Hawkswood explained in a statement read out by his counsel, yesterday. ‘Many of the people I saw on the afternoon in question – mostly husbands – were clearly suffering from exhaustion and frustration. It was my civic duty as a paramedic to intervene.’

Hawkswood went on to say ‘I noticed a middle aged man sitting on a bench surrounded by what were clearly very heavy shopping bags. I loosened his clothes and felt his pulse. His body looked very pale, and it was still warm so I decided to pump his lungs and give him the kiss of life. Imagine my relief when I saw that flash of anger come into his eyes and hear him scream. It’s moments like that that make my job worthwhile.’

In a separate incident that day, Mr Hawkswood is said to have recommended a course of suppositories to a young man outside JJB Sports, even offering to insert them himself. The local primary care trust has said that this is just the latest in a string of attempts by Mr Hawkswood to try and get a bit of extra-curricular action out of patients. Previous incidents include the time Hawkswood applied a defibrillator to himself and a lady patient at the same time, adding that he could feel a kind of electricity between them.

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Posted: Oct 4th, 2009 by

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