George Osborne today denied that his stringent spending announcements at the Conservative party conference were merely an attempt to ‘toughen up’ his image. Speaking from astride his Harley Davidson Big V Twin Cam 110, the leather-clad Shadow Chancellor and MP for Tatton reacted angrily to the suggestion as he left the Manchester conference centre today: ‘What kind of punk-ass question is that anyway? Why I oughta…’
Theresa May, Shadow Minister for Work and Pensions, quickly advised reporters to pursue a different line of enquiry. Riding pillion, the vampishly-dressed MP pleaded breathlessly ‘Don’t make him mad, please don’t – none of you would like Georgie when he’s mad…’
The Shadow Chancellor has then flatly refused to answer any further questions unless they were addressed to ‘the Osbornator’, before lighting another Marlboro Red, muttering ‘I think I’m getting just about growed-up enough for this sh*t’, revving his hog and riding off in a cloud of acrid exhaust fumes.