Productivity analyst James Markell, 24, has revealed how he could face dozens of paternity lawsuits following a rise in pregnancies among female colleagues that he has fantasised about having sex with.
‘I first started to worry after Jenny from accounts, who I’d often dreamt about rodgering over the photocopier, announced that she was three months pregnant. Later that week Lisa the temp announced that she too was expecting. A coincidence? Considering that I’d only recently fantasised about banging her in the stationary cupboard, I think not.’
‘The list goes on: Pam from HR, Salima on reception and that new bint in the canteen, all of them up the duff just days after I’d given them a good mental seeing-to. All I need now is for that Russian bird from Strictly Come Dancing to fall pregnant and I’ll be stung for thousands.’