NewsBiscuit

The news written by you…

‘People pre-judge me because I look like Hitler’

Hitler look-a-like Kevin Eades says he has had enough of people thinking he is some sort of right wing control-freak because of his striking similarity to the famous Nazi dictator. ‘I just happen to have the same facial structure and a similar hair-cut’ said Kevin, librarian and keen amateur historian. ‘But people see me and immediately apply all sorts of negative associations based simply on my unfortunate appearance.’

Kevin, 57 from North London, insists that he has no particular interest in right-wing politics, although admitted that his choice of clothes and haircut do not help people separate his appearance from the man who was responsible for the death of fifty million people. ‘Sure I have a moustache, but why should I shave it off just because a few people have a problem with some long-dead foreign leader? And I like to wear smart clothes; who doesn’t? That’s my right in a free country and yet it seems even today there are some people determined to take these freedoms away. If it wasn’t for all the Jews and Communists trying to take over the banks we wouldn’t have all these problems.’

Kevin says his misfortune to happen to look like the greatest monster of the twentieth century has led to problems at work, where he has been suspended from dealing with members of the public at Stamford Hill Library. ‘Apparently my physical appearance does not fit in with the ‘politically correct’ template required by a minority of browsers at the library. We get a lot of Hasidic Jews in the Library and one or two single-issue fanatics thought they had a right to tell the council how their librarians should dress.’

Chief librarian Brian Philpot said ‘It wasn’t just the clothes. It was the way Kevin stamped the library books, with his own special Third Reich stamp. Sometimes people would be browsing in the travel section and he would demand to see their papers.’ Kevin was eventually put in the back office where he was made responsible for ordering books but even this led to problems at the library in the predominantly Jewish part of North London. ‘Can you believe the library didn’t have one copy of Mein Kampf?’ said Kevin in an increasingly noticeable German accent. ‘I mean if people could only put the politics to one side, it’s a damn good read. But in my experience the Jews see anti-Semitism in everything. Hitler, Goering, Goebbels; they can’t have all been anti-Semitic. So how come it is OK to be prejudiced against the Nazis, but not against Gypsies and genetically defective social deviants?’

Eventually the political and personal differences between Kevin and his boss Brian led to a physical clash that saw violence between the two men breaking out in the non-fiction section of the library shelves. Kevin shoved Brian back all the way to the newspapers and magazines until Brian rallied and forced Kevin right out of the library, although the devastation wreaked will take decades to put right. ‘It was a glorious victory for the People’s Soviet of Stamford Hill Library,’ said Stalin look-a-like Brian Philpot. ‘But now the Kulaks are not returning their books on time and these class-enemies of the revolution must be destroyed.’

NewsBiscuit

Share this story...

Send to a Friend:





Click to send this story to a friend

Posted: Oct 10th, 2009 by NewsBiscuit

Tagged as: , , ,

Click for more stories about: Features