The Reverend Michael Starns of St Edward’s Church, Mortimer was last week left with no choice but to break wind in order to ensure a second cup of tea during routine appointments.
‘I like at least two cups of tea per visit, though I always feel awkward dropping hints. But last Wednesday neither Sister Bathsheba nor the couple planning their wedding offered me tea, and when I only got a thimbleful at the OAPs’ rummy morning, well, I just had to let one go in the desperate hope that someone, anyone, would say ‘more tea vicar?’ But did they? Did they jellybean! All I got was an ‘I’ll just open the window, shall I?’’
‘I even remarked about the elephant in the room, but Mrs McNorris just said ‘yes, I’d noticed you’d been putting on a few pounds, vicar.’ Bitch.’