The Equality and Human Rights Commission (EHRC) today ordered Mensa to review its membership criteria following a series of damning complaints that it is discriminating against far-right idiots not bright enough to join. Under current rules Mensa only admits those with an IQ in the top 2 per cent of the population, but the EHRC has declared the policy to be ‘institutionally elitist’ and infringing the human rights of ill-informed bigots everywhere.
‘This is political correctness gone mad,’ complained a Mensa spokesman today. ‘The whole point of the organisation is that only the most intelligent get in. If we’re forced to accept a mongrel band of the intellectually impure, we’ll lose our identity and our heritage in no time. My grandfather didn’t sweat blood over his calculus for these dunces. Bloody racists, coming over here and taking our tests.’
Applicants to Mensa have traditionally had to undergo a series of stringent logic tests to prove their higher than average intelligence, but the more difficult puzzles and conundrums have now been removed to avoid disadvantaging thick-as-shit fascists. The new ‘equal opportunities’ test will include challenges such as ‘name the animal’, a tricky 10-point dot-to-dot, and the decisive ‘How many fingers am I holding up?’ puzzle.
Despite the organisation’s objections, BNP leader Nick Griffin today became the latest proud recipient of Mensa’s ‘Top 100%’ membership card after passing the test on his fourth attempt. ‘Let this show our detractors that in Britain you won’t be judged on who you are or what you look like. It’s your ability alone that counts,’ he told reporters, before giving a three-fingered victory salute and adding, ‘Me done clever!’
Sadly Mr Griffin’s celebrations were cut short when Mensa suddenly cancelled his membership. It turned out that he had failed the group’s ethnicity test after it was discovered that both his parents were black.