In what observers are calling his finest moment yet inventor James Dyson has unveiled a radically redesigned Prime Minister which will operate with much less bluster and at a fraction of the cost of existing models. ‘What you get with what’s available on the market now is not a smooth delivery, it just feels like you’re being buffeted the whole time.’
‘It’s like you’re being slapped around the face’ said Dyson; ‘first on the left, then on the right. Then left, then right again, left, right, left, right, slap, slap, slap, slap, and quite frankly I think we’ve all had enough of that. My new Prime Minister uses a completely different hot air system. You can set it to ‘light schmooze’, or turn it up for full-on ‘voter seduction’, and I think you’ll find what it does is infinitely variable. Just push this switch and, look, it goes from left to right and back again, in a very shiny way.’
Sir James announced that the primary market would initially be America and Japan but hoped it would catch on in the UK in due course. ‘And I’ll be watching its progress closely from my new seat in the House of Lords,’ he added.
The redesigned Prime Minister also addresses safety concerns. ‘You’re always hearing horrible stories about people getting too close to the existing model and suffering horrendous injuries when, for instance, mobile phones are thrown at them or they get their forehead stapled to their desk. But my new model is so much safer, and with just a little nudge from someone like, say, me, it will tilt and point anywhere you want it to as well. Just look at that!’
The new ‘must-have’ Prime Minister will not be available until the middle of next year which can’t come soon enough for Sir James. ‘The old model is so hard to clean up which has become a real problem for everyone, especially when more and more shit keeps hitting it.’
20th October 2009