The government’s recently-appointed dance csar, Arlene Phillips, has confirmed that as part of a round of budget cuts her role is to be combined with that of drugs csar.
At a press-conference, the ageing choreographer denied that merging the two roles could send out confusing signals to the public. ‘I’m very clear that my mission is to encourage the nation to engage in more dancing and less illicit drug-taking,’ she said. She went on to announce a new hard-hitting anti-dance pro-drugs campaign targeted at schools, with the slogan Just Say Paso Doble.
‘There’s no confusion,’ she said. ‘Ecstasy might help you dance all night, but it does nothing for your posture. You’d be better off slamming some meth if you want to achieve really amazing fleckerls – no, hang on, I probably shouldn’t have said that.’