The Bank of England has confirmed that they will be popping the entire nation’s gold reserve into envelopes and sending it off to Cash4Gold in return for ready money, after the Governor, Mervyn King, saw an advertisement on daytime television.
Bank of England staff are working around the clock to get all the gold reserves into reasonably-sized jiffy bags. ‘The job is a lot easier because Gordon managed to flog most of it off cheap when he was still here,’ said one Bank of England worker. ‘To be honest it will be a relief to get it out from under our feet.’
Alastair Darling, the Chancellor of the Exchequer, has welcomed the Bank’s decision. ‘Turning gold bullion into cash is a splendid idea and could help us refinance the British economy. I am already in negotiations with the Queen who may have some unwanted orbs and sceptres which she isn’t planning on leaving to her children, so we might as well make a bob or two out of them. Lovely jubbly.’