Some of the world’s largest charities have appealed to donors to keep their cash after admitting their bank accounts are stuffed to breaking point.
‘We have millions stashed away and can’t spend it as fast as it’s donated,’ said a spokesman for Oxfam, who also forewarned of an impending Ethiopian obesity crisis. ‘So we’re asking our donors to think very carefully about what as little as five pounds a month could buy them down the pub.’
Charity sector commentators report that the RNLI has one of the biggest problems with spending funds. ‘Of course our first priority is to protect lives around Britain’s coastline,’ said a fundraiser’s butler. ‘But anyone pulled from the sea can rest assured that not only will they benefit from the most modern life-saving equipment available, but also have the opportunity for a Jacuzzi, reiki massage and a foxtrot lesson from the fit Russian bird off Strictly whilst onboard.’