School timetables may have to be rewritten to allow for the introduction of compulsory lessons in Tantric sex. ‘This is utter madness,’ said Deputy Head, Mrs Maureen Greeb. ‘So far we’ve had to drop maths, history and science in order to make way for double Tantra. These classes just go on and on.’
‘Young people should be taught that sex means loving relationships within the context of a wider cosmic consciousness that transcends the materialistic world,’ said government Sex Czar, Sting, before adding, ‘did I mention I have a new album out.’
The new lessons are hoped to combat the rise in teenage pregnancies following research that shows kids taught Tantric sex either reach a sublime experience of infinite awareness or simply get so bored they fall asleep.