NewsBiscuit

Porn star Randy Buck, was reported to have his eye on the gong for best male actor at the upcoming Adult Film industry awards following his decision to spend six months researching his next movie by providing 24/7 repair services for most leading brands of office photocopying equipment.

The dedication to ensuring that his lead role in ‘The Sex-retary needs a boner refill’ was an accurate portrayal of a hard-working professional attending to his client’s every need saw Buck take a six-figure salary cut as he lived and breathed the life of a photocopier engineer. ‘To be frank, it was a difficult job for a man like me,’ he confessed, ‘particularly getting used to the company-issue Farah’s, which caused no small degree of chafing.’

Being thrown into the deep end of a totally alien world had bewildered Buck at first, and his first assignment at a computer consumables supply business, saw him immediately receive a verbal warning from his employer when the office manager’s comment ‘is it warm in here or is it just me?’ spurred the new recruit to strip naked and begin provocatively pleasuring himself, when all he was expected to do was adjust the air-conditioning. ‘She started taking off her cardie and instinct took over,’ he explained, ‘we don’t have menopausal women in my line of work you see. Well we do, but it’s more a specialist market’.

But after his training in machine maintenance and workplace ethics, the initial signs had suggested the experience was paying off, when Buck noticed that the on-set Xerox 915 was far too low-spec to adequately service the needs of an office with so many hot women working in it. However rumours soon emerged that Buck was refusing to remove his short-sleeved polyester shirt and clip-on tie during office hours, and before filming a pivotal scene in the script was overhead shouting at the director ‘Do you realise what it would take to get that out of the image transfer mechanism when it dries?’ and screaming ‘Don’t squat on there, you’re going to crack the glass fascia!’ to his co-star, before storming off the set muttering about invalidating warranties.

And while the prospects of a Porn Oscar are now slim, the actor insisted discovering the veracity of the role more than compensated, ‘that and being named Copier Solutions Inc October employee of the month,’ he concluded.

Posted: Nov 16th, 2009 by nealdoran