Doctors today bowed to public pressure and agreed to perform a groundbreaking operation to conjoin X-Factor twins John and Edward. Emotional footage of the procedure will be shown in a VT on Saturday’s show set to a poignant soundtrack of Spice Girls’ hit ‘2 become 1’.
‘The twins suffer from an incurable condition,’ explained Dr Copping, ‘so the best we can do is help their loved ones and make the remaining time they have together more bearable for everyone. If ever there’s an opportunity to turn two twats into just one, then as doctors it’s a chance we’ve got to take.’
X-Factor judge Cheryl Cole is said to be opposed to the operation on ethical grounds as the boys would become ineligible for the ‘groups’ category and instead fall to be mentored by her. But the show’s producers are sold on it. ‘If it’s a success, we’ll cleverly mix up their Christian names to give them a single new name. I think we’ll go with EdJohn.’