Government apologise for lack of apologies

An inquiry is under way in Whitehall after the government failed to make any kind apology in the last week. After weeks of saying sorry for various real or percieved blunders, phones at Millbank have not rung since last Saturday, prompting the Labour party to call BT in for a line test.

‘Frankly, we’re astonished,’ Ed Milliband said. ‘Normally we can’t go five minutes without putting our feet in our mouths.’

The focus of the inquiry is expected to be Gordon Brown’s visit to Cockermouth, where he even wore a patch over his good eye to avoid sniggering at the town sign on the way in. The report will be published and then shredded in April once no-one has read it.

AJ Blacker

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