The British Expletive Board is poised to launch a brand-new swearword this evening, in a move calculated to counter the growing familiarity and apathy towards established expletives.
According to BEB spokesman Trevor McCorkindale, tonight’s launch will re-ignite Britain’s flagging indignation of such four-letter-words. ‘At one time the C-word was the sole preserve of rapists and perverts, but now everyone uses it. And no-one bats an eyelid at the F-word nowadays – it might as well be taught in primary schools for all the good it’d do. This new word will be a shot in the arm for our cursing and insulting prowess.’
In order to maximise its effect, details of the new swearword have been kept a closely guarded secret. ‘An expert panel of linguists, etymologists and religious representatives have worked for months on the word. We wouldn’t want to diminish its profoundly upsetting and abhorrent impact by giving the game away too soon,’ McCorkingdale told journalists, before revealing that viewers will be able to hear the new swearword in a special bulletin at 6:50 this evening on the CBeebies channel, just after In The Night Garden.