A Midlands woman has divorced her husband, citing his habit of staying up late and watching films of passionate and emotionally suggestive nature. ‘She walked in on me, saw what I was watching, and stormed out’, said Mr Simon Jones, ‘it was a Brief Encounter.’
‘It was disgusting’, said his wife, Sally, ‘And then I discovered that he had an entire collection of these ‘suggestive movies’ hidden away in his study, including A Room with a View, The Remains of the Day and Howards End. It makes me sick to think of him locked away up there in his Merchant-Ivory tower of filth.’
Detective Jack Regan of the Subtextual Crimes Squad said, ‘We currently have a team of semiologists examining these movies for any hidden meaning. If there is anything suggestive there at all, then we will find it.’ Police are believed to be paying close attention to a number of highly implicit scenes in which Anthony Hopkins and Emma Thompson flagrantly avoid saying anything at all.
A lawyer for Mr Jones, said, ‘My client is an innocent man. Perhaps, too innocent. When watching these movies he was completely unaware of any hidden subtext. He would also like to make it clear that the tissues by his side were purely to mop away his tears.’