NewsBiscuit

Responding to accusations that their products fail to reflect the true sentiments of contemporary society, card manufacturer Hallmark has created a range of greetings cards aimed at better conveying the heart-felt vitriol of todays customer.

‘I want you to die in a terrible chip-pan fire’ is expected to be a big seller in the run up to the busy festive season, with other inspired sentiments including: ‘You’re retiring – We can finally get rid of that smell,’ ‘Happy anniversary – Did you know she’s screwing you brother?’ and ‘If we weren’t related, I definitely would.’

Other messages will include: ‘Have a great birthday – See, I can be a duplicitous prick, too!’ ‘Merry Christmas and goodbye for another year’ and the popular ‘You’re fat and ugly, but at least you have no gag reflex.’

Ichabod

Posted: Dec 14th, 2009 by Guest