Army complains of too few helicopter parents in Afghanistan

The army top brass has complained that there are too few helicopter parents in operation in Afghanistan. The head of the British Army, speaking at a press conference, said that regular infantry would see ‘enormous benefits’ from an increase in the numbers of pushy parents who would rush to prevent their offspring from harm or failure.

‘Considering how protective these people are of their offspring, there are too few of these valuable resources,’ he claimed, ‘and frankly it is appalling that, in these modern times, the modern British Army does not have more of them deployed in the field.’

Deploying helicopter parents has seen a reduction in on-base alcohol consumption and a marked increase in the attendance at ‘post-battle book clubs’ and team sports activities. ‘The parents of ‘R’ Squadron made sure that our interpretation of Cinderella for this year’s panto went down a storm. Their support in making the costumes and urging on some of the shier squaddies to take to the stage cannot be overestimated.’

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