The Vatican has announced that this year’s Christmas mass is to be replaced with a PowerPoint presentation about Jesus’ birth. A press release described the action as a ‘bold step into the 21st century, and one which we believe will finally dispel the stuffy, conservative image of the current Pontiff, his holiness Benedict XVI.’
‘Marketing research has revealed that the move would be popular with ABC1 professionals,’ said Vatican spokesman Monsignor Gianfranco Ferra, ‘the meek and the poor are all very well but they don’t fill the offering plate on a Sunday morning.’ He continued to outline how Vatican focus groups believe that the Greatest Story Ever Told is best packaged in the form of a ‘punchy, 20 minute presentation with a five to ten minute Q and A session afterwards’.
‘Our initial concern was that the content and format wouldn’t be facile or soporific enough to chime with our target audience’s experience in the workplace,’ Msgr. Ferra added, ‘but we were pleased to discover that wasn’t the case. Reactions to a test sermon ranged from ‘thanks for that’ to ‘I’d be delighted to action your agenda but we’ll have to refer it to a future meeting as we’re closing for Christmas next week.”