A 27-year old man from Norwich has been arrested after a disagreement over a Christmas dinner escalated into violence. Tony Clark was taken into custody after pinning his brother-in-law Stuart Lindsay to a table, and threatening to stab him through the heart with a turkey drumstick.
Members of the family report that Clark snapped after environmental activist Lindsay ruined their traditional Xmas dinner for the third year running. ‘We had put on a lovely spread,’ said Mr Clark’s mother Audrey, ‘Goose liver pate to start, roast turkey with bread sauce, bacon, cream and parmesan and all the trimmings. As usual we had to prepare a completely separate meal for Stuart – nut roast, organic vegetables and then ensure all the parts of his meal were only cooked in sunflower oil.’
Mr Lindsay who is estranged from Mr Clark’s sister Mel, was invited as a goodwill gesture after the Clarks worried he would be spending Christmas alone. During the meal Lindsay insisted that he be sat at a separate table away from animal flesh , while relating in graphic detail how the pate and the other meats were killed and prepared. One member of the family had to leave the room to be sick, while the others left their meals unfinished.
Tensions had mounted before the meal began when Lindsay refused to pull any Christmas crackers, maintaining they were unlikely to have been ethically-sourced. Likewise, he refused to wear a paper crown as he felt it was pro-monarchy. ‘This is why we never get to see the Queen’s speech,’ added Audrey Clark, ‘except on catch-up, which sort of spoils the mood.’
‘I don’t know why we keep inviting him,’ said Mel Lindsay, ‘I guess we felt sorry for him, and we always think it can’t be as bad as it was last year, but if anything it gets worse. I think the tipping point this year was when Stuart said he was going fully vegan, and had become yeast and lactose intolerant. The thought of what Christmas next year would be like was too much for Tony and he flipped.’
Meanwhile, Mr Lindsay is recovering in hospital, where he is reported to be increasingly annoying medical staff with his demands for homeopathic care.