Man hospitalised after leaving 2009 resolutions to the last minute

will start earlier next year, maybe November

Justin Harris of Harrow was rushed to hospital on New Year’s Eve following a frantic but failed attempt to fulfil all his New Year’s resolutions for 2009 in the last few days of the year.

After realising on boxing day that he hadn’t managed to achieve any of his goals for the year, Harris set about using the Christmas to New Year lull to have a go at rectifying the situation. However, he finally succumbed to serious injuries involving his car on New Year’s Eve at some point after his first 10-mile marathon training run in the morning, and before his scheduled attempt to complete the 26.2 mile course in the afternoon.

Harris’s family and attending medical professionals said the outcome had been inevitable, even though he had managed to get through several resolutions quickly and easily. The IT consultant’s initial tactic of ‘doubling up’ had enabled him to tick off ‘putting more effort with the people around him’ and ‘giving something back to the community’ in one go by sending Xmas cards he bought half-price at a local charity shop to relatives and work colleagues, ‘OK, so they won’t get them till 2010,’ he had admitted to his wife, ‘but I sent them in 2009 so that counts.’

However, progress soon slowed after his brother-in-law would lend him neither his camcorder, nor his wife, sabotaging one of Harris’s most ambitious goals. He then failed to get back into the 32’’ waist Levi’s he wore throughout his twenties, despite spending all Wednesday at his local gym. Even steaming in a sauna failed to make the difference to his waist size, which he partly attributed to the ‘rather bloating effect’ of the 984 portions of fruit and veg he’d been getting through since Monday to catch up with his aim of eating his five-a-day. ‘It’s been a very frustrating day,’ he admitted, ‘and I tell you the atmosphere in that steam room wasn’t pleasant for anyone.’

Tragedy finally struck as Harris began tinkering with his Volkswagen Passat as part of a goal of doing his own car repairs, when a copy of the Complete Works of Shakespeare he had been simultaneously speed-reading fell off the bonnet and knocked him on the head, causing him to kick away the jack supporting the car he was lying under. However he noted that there was a silver lining as having both arms in traction meant there was no chance he would be keeping up his 20-a-day smoking habit as the year drew to a close, and the need for round the clock nursing care for at least 6 months after his return home, means he’ll be getting a good head start on his 2010 goal of spending more time with his family.

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Posted: Dec 27th, 2009 by

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