‘Milk Tray Man’, the suave, enigmatic individual who has taken it upon himself to deliver individual boxes of chocolates to women across the UK since 1968, died in tragic circumstances yesterday after apparently attempting to break into Vinnie Jones’ bedroom to deliver chocolates to Mrs Jones.
Witnesses stated that the suave, sharply-dressed individual climbed a tree, leapt onto a security wall, and then climbed up a drainpipe outside the bedroom where Mr Jones’ wife was sleeping peacefully. Despite altruistically leaving a free box of chocolates on the pillow next to her head Milk Tray Man was beaten savagely when Vinnie Jones came upstairs to discover a smartly-attired man leaning over to whisper in his wife’s ear.
‘From what we hear, it was all over pretty quickly’, stated a Cadbury’s spokesperson. ‘There was a bit of shouting, a few rather unpleasant sounds, and then silence. It’s a tragic loss for Milk Tray Man’s family, of course, and also a major pain in the arse as he hadn’t finished filming our next advert yet’.
Vinnie Jones later defended his actions, saying he was within his rights to ‘protect my property from posh bastards who want to interfere with my wife’ as he wiped blood and milk chocolate from his knuckles.