‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ viewing saves man’s life, ruins many others
‘Hadn’t bothered buying anyone presents on the assumption he’d be long gone’
Posted: Dec 29th, 2009
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Archive for December, 2009
British science students leaving college unfit for terrorism
Chemistry standards among student suicide bombers are getting lower and lower, the recruitment manager of Al Qaeda has complained. Speaking after yet another London student failed to set off an incendiary device, the terror group’s human resources supremo, Al Maqtoub, said British university graduates are unable to carry out their duties.
‘Quite frankly, the quality of some of this year’s intake has been appalling,’ he said. ‘We’ve had to retrain some of them in basic tasks, such as shoe detonation and liquid explosives.’
Posted: Dec 29th, 2009
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Woman sues over misleading cocktail names
Isle of Wight resident Vickie Jones is suing a Ventnor cocktail bar claiming that the bar’s drinks failed to live up to the promise of their names.
‘I ordered Sex On the Beach and a Slow Comfortable Screw Against the Wall, followed by a Screaming Orgasm. All I got was a disappointing knee trembler up against a skip behind Asda,’ complained a very frustrated and emotional Mrs Jones while ordering a Red Headed Slut schnapps with a Cheeky Vimto cocktail.
Posted: Dec 28th, 2009
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Tabloids launch search for ‘Mrs D from Rotherham’
Britain’s tabloids have launched a search to locate a ‘Mrs D from Rotherham’ who, according to a message flashed-up on the National Lottery website, had just won two pounds on an instant-win game.
Posted: Dec 27th, 2009
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Woman returns husband to M&S as ‘not fit for purpose’
A woman who found her husband in Marks & Spencer has returned him to the store under its refund or exchange guarantee.
Posted: Dec 26th, 2009
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