Doctor Who’s officious new receptionist could be putting billions of patients’ lives in danger, according to a report leaked by the General Medical Council (GMC). The report says that since the Time Lord installed a new receptionist in his surgery, patients such as the eight billion of inhabitants of Planet Earth have found urgent pleas for life-saving action going unheard.
‘This new receptionist seems to think she is in charge,’ complained one patient, a Prime Minister of the UK. ‘Once it was easy to get an appointment with the Doctor. Now it’s bleeding impossible. And, I swear, if I don’t do something about my Dalek problem, it could be fatal.’
The Doctor appointed the new receptionist, Hilary Green, in an attempt to meet new best practise guidelines created by the Department of Health. Green came highly recommended by her previous employers, South Norwood Health Centre, where she had rationalised patient numbers, driving the more time consuming ill patients away from the practice.
With Earthlings in danger of being killed by an outbreak of Daleks, many pushy patients had hoped to get Doctor Who’s ear over the Christmas holidays. But the new receptionist held firm. Under her new regime, the Doctor is not doing any more home visits, and all patients, Earthlings included, are expected to make their way to the Doctor’s surgery, during office hours.
‘If the Dalek outbreak hasn’t cleared up by Monday, I suggest you come to the surgery in Alpha Centauri,’ the receptionist told the Prime Minister. ‘Don’t be put off by the length of the queue outside, because only a fraction of those waiting survive the absence of oxygen.’