NewsBiscuit

Dr Who’s officious new receptionist could be putting billions of patients’ lives in danger, according to a report leaked by the British Medical Association (BMA).The report says that since the Timelord installed a new receptionist in his surgery, patients such as the eight billion of inhabitatants of Planet Earth have found urgent pleas for life-saving action going unheard.

‘This new receptionist seems to think she is in charge,’ complained one patient, a Prime Minister of the UK. ‘Once it was easy to get an appointment with the doctor. Now it’s bleeding impossible. And, I swear, if I don’t do something about my Dalek problem, it could be fatal.’

Dr Who appointed the new receptionist, Hilary Green, in an attempt to meet new best practise guidelines created by the Department of Health. Green came highly recommended by her previous employers, South Norwood Health Centre, where she had rationalised patient numbers, driving the more time consuming ill patients away from the practice.

With Earthlings in danger of being killed by an outbreak of Daleks, many pushy patients had hoped to get Dr Who’s ear over the Christmas holidays. But the new receptionist held firm. Under her new regime, Dr Who is not doing any more home visits, and all patients, Earthlings included, are expected to make their way to the doctor’s surgery, during office hours.

‘If the Dalek outbreak hasn’t cleared up by Monday, I suggest you come to the surgery in Alpha Centuri,’ the receptionist told the Prime Minister. ‘Don’t be put off by the length of the queue outside, because only a fraction of those waiting survive the absence of oxygen.’

Posted: Jan 1st, 2010 by helena.handcart