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IBM Global Services delighted to clinch outsourcing homework contract for pushy parent

'Think'IBM Global Services has clinched the lucrative contract to make sure Sebastian Ponsonby always produces the most impressive homework assignment at Richmond Primary School.

The parents of Sebastian Ponsonby say they are equally delighted at clinching the deal with IBM. ‘Whether it’s writing an essay on the Egyptians, or drawing a farmyard animal, it’s imperative that Sebastian always produces the most impressive homework assignment in his class. We are confident that IBM Global Services will keep us ahead of the game,’ said his father, Julian.

Julian Ponsonby decided to outsource the contract when he realised that his own efforts could no longer guarantee that his son’s homework assignment results would outshine every other child in Sebastian’s class. Pupils were asked to build a vehicle that could transport a 100g bar of chocolate. Eschewing the option to cobble together a car made out of a Weetabix box, with Pringle lids for wheels, Mr Ponsonby wanted to create the best car humanly possible. But whilst in talks with a CAD (computer assisted design) engineer, he hit on an idea.

‘Sebastian’s last homework assignment nearly broke me,’ he admitted. ‘But suddenly I thought, I’m already using the best technical support available to make sure my son destroys the competition. Wouldn’t it be more cost effective if I just outsourced the entire contract?’

When news of the Sebastian Ponsonby Homework Contract Tender was released, it caused a great deal of excitement in the IT industry and the stock markets. On winning the contract, IBM’s stock rose several points.

However, Sebastian may not have things all his own way for long. Accenture has been chosen to complete the homework for his arch rival, Joshua Simkins. ‘After meeting Joshua’s parents, we are confident that we are singing from the same song sheet, and we are going to create a new paradigm in homework completion,’ said an Accenture spokesman.

Simkins has also hired Snoop4U, a competitive intelligence company, to monitor the progress of rival homework projects. ‘It’s not enough to create the best homework assignment,’ said Simkins senior, ‘you’ve got to destroy the opposition.’

‘We’re going to blow the other guys out the water,’ said Simkins junior.

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Posted: Jan 5th, 2010 by StoopyDeGunt

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