Every lone child in Britain will be entitled to an imaginary friend if the Conservatives win the general election, says Shadow Education Secretary, Michael Gove.
‘Many people rely on the comfort and advice offered by imaginary friends,’ said Mr Gove, ‘as much of the Shadow cabinet can attest.’
But Zac Simpson, 8, said he wasn’t happy with his Conservative imaginary friend. ‘Quite honestly, Dave’s a bit of a stuck-up sod who went to Eton,’ he said. ‘One minute we were playing Power Rangers, the next he’s got me fagging for him while he plays rugby with the other posh imaginary friends.’
‘It’s a great Conservative idea,’ said Shadow Chancellor, George Osborne, ‘and we shall be following it up with other initiatives. If we form the next government, we shall provide 10,000 imaginary extra nurses and policemen and I shall be investing an imaginary twenty billion pounds in the NHS.’