WWF to introduce wrestlers back to the wild

may eventually develop whole new language based around 'urghhh' and 'aargh'

The Worldwide Fund for Nature and the World Wrestling Federation have resolved a long-standing battle over legal rights to the distinctive initials by merging and have already released a number of American-style wrestlers into the wild.

Over twenty adult males have been set free in the forests of Minnesota close to the Canadian border, where it is hoped that they can live in peace with one another. As the first pair of wrestlers cautiously emerged from the back of the secure transporter, excited commentators expressed amazement, then outrage, then more astonishment at this incredible turn of events.

Wrestlers are usually solitary in the wild; though do sometimes tag up with one another, often attracted by the distinctive lurex or lycra markings. They are unlikely to mate as years of testosterone and steroid use has rendered them many of them impotent. Another side affect is that they can suddenly become very angry for no apparent reason.

The WWF is hoping that the wrestlers can roam savannah and tundra without fear of referees or promoters, but admits that some of them may struggle in their new habitats; ‘Years of captivity have programmed them to dramatically throw off their cloaks, and throw bizarre kung fu type kicks at one another before their opponent has even climbed back through the ropes after attacking a member of the audience’ explained one WWF naturalist. ‘Patiently foraging for nuts and berries may seem rather dull and effeminate after that.’

Other naturalists have questioned the wisdom of releasing these creatures in close proximity to other endangered species. ‘The secret forest location is also home to the incredibly rare North American mountain caribou.’ said one forest ranger. ‘Those that have not had had their antlers ripped off have been found wearing spandax and squaring up to the wrestlers, threatening to pull off their mask to reveal their secret identity for once and for all. It’s incredible how animals adapt to survive.’


Share this story...

Posted: Jan 8th, 2010 by

Click for more article by ..

© 2018 NewsBiscuit | Powered by Deluxe Corporation | Stories (RSS) | T & C | Privacy | Disclaimer