With the national shortage of salt and grit getting worse, local authorities throughout the UK are calling on residents to donate their unused herbs and spices to protect Britain’s roads.
‘Thanks to the generous donations of Hampshire residents, we have safeguarded a large stretch of the A31 with a fragrant mix of cardamom, cinnamon and a bouquet garni believed to date from the late eighties,’ said a spokesman for the Highways Agency, shortly before embarking on a massive operation to cover Basingstoke town centre in star anise.
However, homeowners have been warned to treat with extreme caution the contents of thousands of tiny glass bottles, most of which were purchased for a single goulash circa 1994. ‘On no account should anyone be tempted to cook with these hazardous substances,’ said the spokesman. ‘Although it would appear that most people never were.’