The Met Office has issued an unprecedented severe weather warning as analysts predict that Hell is likely to freeze over this weekend.
In the last few days there have been a number of light morning frosts in some of the less temperate regions of Hades but a prolonged icy spell is expected to bring widespread disruption to afterlife workers and tortured souls alike.
‘I’m stationed at the Mount Of Purgatory and on some mornings we haven’t been able to light fires because our stocks of human undead have been rock solid,’ said a minion of Satan, who defended the shortage of pillars of salt to grit the main circles of hell.
But in the land of the living, human souls were in a state of panic it appeared they would have to deliver on rash promises made in the event of hell freezing over. ‘I suppose I’m going to have to shag that spotty git in accounts now,’ said office worker Charlene Jones. ‘But if he thinks I’m doing that thing he saw on the internet, I want irrefutable evidence that pigs can fly.’