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‘Time’ revealed to be nation’s biggest killer

Professor Bob Deccles, of West Middlesex University Hospital, has warned the public of the dangers of the passage on time. ‘People just don’t understand they are far more likely to be killed by time than by any other cause,’ he claims. ‘We all worry about smoking, drinking, exploding, or even getting run over,’ he says. ‘but the statistics show that most of us will turn into dribbling, incontinent old farts long before we get smeared across the Chiswick High Road by a No.235 bus.’

Deccles believes Time-related illnesses cost the NHS over £12 billion per year, but unlike alcohol and tobacco costs, these are not offset by tax revenue, ‘despite the commonly held belief that “Time is money”.’

For many years it was believed that ‘Time heals all wounds’, offering a seemingly limitless number of medicinal applications. This has since proved to be false, and Time is now considered lethal after prolonged exposure. However, small doses of Time are still prescribed to treat some medical conditions, such as fractured bones and broken hearts.

Ichabod

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Posted: Jan 15th, 2010 by Guest

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