Rochdale couple John and Barbara Deccles have spoken of their concern over their 19-year-old son Nathan’s inability to maintain virtual relationships.
‘We can’t get him online’, confessed an embarrassed Mr Daccles. ‘He just locks himself away in the pub and we don’t see him for days. When he’s not down at the Rat and Parrot drinking, he’s playing football or going to the cinema,’ added his mother. ‘I doubt he’s ever Tweeted in his life. It’s not natural for a boy his age’.
The couple admit to going to extreme lengths to cover up their son’s inadequacies. ‘His father trawls the Web for hours pretending to be Nathan, just to keep the neighbours from talking,’ said Mrs Deccles. ‘I’ve lost count of the amount of pornography John’s downloaded.’
‘When I’m at the pub with my mates, they’re all busy on Twitter,’ said Nathan, ‘telling people who aren’t there what a great time they’re having, but I just want to play pool or talk to girls and other stuff.
‘Put me in front of a chatroom and I just fall apart’, Nathan admitted. ‘I doubt I’d ever go online at all,’ he added, ‘if it wasn’t so fantastically useful for masturbation – which they keep on complaining to me about down at the Rat and Parrot.’