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God ‘gutted’ after Jesus signs for Islam on a free contract

JesusThe Muslim faith pulled off a massive coup yesterday by signing Jesus Christ from its bitter rival Christianity. The transfer sees the Christians’ pin-up boy end his long association with the Rome outfit and switch to Islam on a Bosman.

‘We’d been looking to strengthen the squad for a while, and this’ll really increase the competition for places,’ said Islam’s manager Allah today. ‘Fair play to him, Jesus has got a lovely touch, especially with the sick and the poor, and I think the lad’s shown that he’s prepared to put the team first. Some say his best years are behind him, but I reckon he’s due a return to form before he hangs up his sandals, and at the end of the day it’ll just be great to have a player of his calibre in and around the dressing room.’

Jesus was scouted by many of the big faiths in his early days, but it was playing for the Christians in the early seasons of the first millennium that he really made a name for himself with some dazzling on-field miracles. ‘He played that floating role on waterlogged pitches better than anyone,‘ said one fan. ’Mind you, he wasn’t very strong in the tackle, always preferring to turn the other cheek, but he was pretty handy as a physio. Broken legs, leprosy, you name it – he soon had the lads back on their feet with nothing more than a dab of the magic sponge.’

Jesus was today looking forward to a new dawn in his career. ‘Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a great time turning out every Sunday for Christianity, but the time’s now right to move out of my comfort zone and try something new.‘

But despite the excitement, some Muslim fans wonder whether his body is still up to the demands of the modern game. ‘It’s the fixture list that’s the worry. I remember they rushed him back for a cameo just three days after he picked up a knock in the Good Friday clash. That ruled him out for a while.‘

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Posted: Jan 23rd, 2010 by Genghis Cohen

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