Lawyers for the recently separated celebrity activists Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins have reached a provisional agreement dividing up their worth causes. Susan gets custody of the gay, lesbian and transgender issues while Tim gets to keep anti-racism, Nicaragua and AIDS. Shared custody has now been agreed over opposition to the death penalty with both parties getting access to death row inmates on alternate weekends.
However, the major sticking point appears to be over which one of them gets custody of their anti-war stance. ‘This a very sensitive issue,’ said celebrity counsellor, Matt Damon, ‘but the important thing is that the Anti-War Movement is not made to feel that it is any way to blame for Tim and Susan splitting up.’ Both parents have since made a joint statement stating that: ‘Whatever happens Mummy and Daddy both love the Anti-War Movement very much.’
Meanwhile, behind the scenes, the Sarandon camp are already claiming that Robbins is unfit to look after their anti-war stance because of his involvement in 1986 movie, Howard the Duck. ‘This was one of the worst movies ever made’, said a Sarandon lawyer, ‘and it seriously calls into question the sanity of Mr Robbins’. However, a defiant Robbins said: ‘There is absolutely no way that I will give up my opposition to war – and certainly not without a fight.’
Robbins has already expressed interest in joining Fathers for Social Justice – an organisation of men who feel that they have been unfairly denied access to their political views and make regular rooftop protests dressed as Noam Chomsky and Bono.
According to fellow traveller, George Clooney, ‘If Tim and Susan cannot agree to share custody they could see their Anti-War child being taken away from them altogether. And, needless to say, nobody wants to see it being adopted by Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt.’