Animal rights campaigners have criticised plans to cull Wombles in an attempt to stop the spread of eco-smugness across the country.
The Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs acknowledged that previous attempts to contain the condition had been a failure. ‘Eco-smugness can strike down entire middle class families overnight,’ said a spokesman. ‘No-one wants to live in an area where your neighbours all look down on you because you put plastic bottles in your general rubbish, or shun you because you once took a perfectly re-usable three-piece-suite to the tip. This sort of awareness is all the fault of these Wombles. It’s got to be stopped.’
The cull will begin with a pilot scheme around Wimbledon, south London, which has the highest rate of Womble infestation and eco-smugness in the country. If successful, the government may launch culls of further infectious pests, such as the Teletubbies and the Tweenies. ‘Not because they spread anything,’ said DEFRA, ‘just because they’re annoying bastards’.