Tottenham central defender Karl Nyarko has snapped up much sought-after glamour model Haylee Ashby from Sunderland striker Phil Letch for an undisclosed fee, while lapdancer Debbie Francis has moved from Portsmouth defender Chris Bevan to Aston Villa midfielder Kelvin Legg for £250,000 from a tabloid newspaper.
Meanwhile, highly rated former Big Brother contestant Laura Blakely has joined Liverpool’s Croatian midfielder Ivano Vokker on a six-month loan after previous trials with players from Everton, Fulham and Scunthorpe. And Manchester United were delighted to have secured the Essex swimwear model Daniella Stevens for their French centre back Jean-Pierre Bertillon.
‘Daniella’s great with her head and has scored with almost every club in the Premiership,’ said Sir Alex Ferguson. ‘She’s been experimenting in lots of positions but – hang on, I think this will work – she’ll be best staying tight on Jean-Pierre and will certainly stiffen up the United defence.’
Stevens was formerly a regular first choice in the passenger seat of the Aston Martin of United’s Nigerian striker, Carl Achampong. After failing a physical she was let go but now returns after extensive surgery. ‘She’s looks a natural up-front’ said Sir Alex, ‘and we can play Carl in the hole just behind her.’
Rumours that Danielle Lloyd would be on the move again, bringing the total number of players she has served into double figures, failed to materialise. She apparently remains affiliated to Jamie O’Hara, though O’Hara has admitted that Lloyd does not figure in his long-term plans.
‘I’m confident we can seal the deal in the close season,’ said Tevez’s spokesman. ‘I mean she obviously has a thing about blokes who look like chimpanzees…’