Volkswagen say VW Beetle with mind of its own, is not indicative of a design flaw

German car manufacturer Volkswagen has maintained that the behaviour of Herbie, a white Volkswagen racing Beetle, should not be considered symptomatic of a design flaw. The company maintains that none of their other Beetle’s engage in behaviour like squirting oil or opening their own doors.

‘We believe it would be premature to recall all the Beetles based on the madcap adventures of this one lovable little vehicle,’ said Volkswagen spokesperson Alonzo Wynn. ‘Of course, there are aspects of the car’s performance that have alarmed members of the public; such as its tendency to drive up on two wheels when racing round the edge of a cliff, but we consider these charming quirks rather than life-threatening faults.’

Racing driver Willoughby Thorndike, who has been defeated in several motor rallies by the cute little VW Beetle, said, ‘Can it be normal for a car to race up the suspension cables of the Golden Gate bridge with no-one at the wheel? Trust me, one day it’s going to go bananas, and kill someone.’

Crosby Short, an associate of Mr Thorndike, admits trying to steal Herbie ahead of a big race only to find himself lurching out of control ‘as if the car had a will of it’s own‘. Mr Short said, ‘I’ve always prided myself on being a henchman with an unblemished theft record. But as soon as I touched the accelerator, the little white Beetle shot forward out of the garage, reared up on its back wheels and did a loop the loop around the walls of a tunnel. Then we drove up a ramp and sailed through the window of a swanky restaurant before parallel parking at 90 miles per hour. I’ve suffered with my nerves ever since.’

Jim Douglas, Herbie’s owner, defended the self-syled ‘love bug’, saying, ‘Herbie is unique. I haven’t owned many other cars that would flash their headlights at a cute little Lancia and then pursue it around the streets of Paris.

‘But I can’t explain what it is that makes Herbie do all these crazy things. Maybe he’s possessed by the ghostly spirit of a former owner, or a Celtic sprite… or it could just be the clutch? Actually, the more I think about it the more I think it’s definitely the clutch.’

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