Billions pour in for inaugural world money-throwing championships
The world’s first money-throwing championships, announced only last month, have already attracted a huge number of entrants, each paying a large non-refundable entry fee.
Even before the precise nature of the tournament is known, cash is flooding in from sponsors, lotteries and public donations, and great strides have been made in spending it, say organisers. Spokeswoman Fay Bartram said the first tranche of spending has gone on focus groups, steering committees, marketing consultants, PR advisers and several layers of middle managers.
In a statement released yesterday, Ms Bartram said, ‘We hope to set up a proprietary state-of-the-art IT system sometime soon, after which we intend to move on to acquiring protected land and buildings and establishing a spending taskforce with its own watchdog.’
Although arrangements are still at a preliminary stage, it is speculated that there will be a full range of throwing events with targets that start with the pocket-money demands of individual competitors’ children to full-blown global bank rescues, with a climax which has been billed as ‘an extravaganza of quantitative easing’.
The biggest players are expected to throw money at public projects, with President Obama and the UK’s NHS hotly tipped to meet in the final of the healthcare event. The United Nations and the European Parliament are also expected to feature strongly in the medal tables. Russian oligarchs are tipped to be major contenders in the commercial sporting arena.
Given the large range of events and size of competitors, the amounts involved will be varied, from ‘fivers’ at the bottom of the scale to billions at the top, which for ease of throwing will be round billions. The organisers hope to raise sufficient funds to purchase their own black hole for the larger events.
Asked about the still-undisclosed location and timing of the tournament, Ms Bartram said, ‘We don’t know if there will be a venue ready in time or quite what form the championships will take, but if we can ask everyone to dig that little bit deeper we should be able to get it over the line.
‘What we can say is that we expect to spend more than the organisers of the 2010 World Cup and the 2012 Olympics combined, which I think you’ll all agree is a massive achievement.’
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