There was widespread outrage today at the decision by the editors of the Daily Express to publish a news story about cheese which featured no puns whatsoever. The article, about a man who has collected every known type of cheese, was simply entitled ‘Man Collects Lots of Cheese’ and never once attempted humorous wordplay despite ample opportunity to do so.
‘They’ve just done it to shock people,’ claimed the editor of the Daily Mail. ‘They’ve unfairly highlighted the ‘facts’, those things that they think are going to sell newspapers, and shied away from that reason why we all gone into journalism in the first place. They could have easily thrown in a couple of token puns here and there. The guy’s name was Leicester and he had a really red face, for God’s sake.’
The President of the ‘Current Pun Association’, Anne Youendo, could not contain her frustration. ‘No whey! I cannot brielieve it! A news-story about cheese without any puns is edam waste of paper! If I ever meet this so-called journalist, I’ll bash her on the head with a roquefort about an hour! I hate her still, tons! When she dies, I won’t cheddar a tear!’ Miss Youendo continued on this tack for an hour and a half before being offered a job writing newspaper headlines.