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Killer Whale ‘should fry’, say U.S. Republicans

all the fish he could eat, and his own page on MySpace where he often threatened keepersCalls are growing for the execution of Tilikum the orca from SeaWorld, Florida after it emerged that the so-called ‘killer whale’ had a previous homicide conviction.

‘The whale should fry’ said one Republican demonstrator outside the famous theme park. ‘He’s just a cold-blooded murderer. Oh no, warm blooded, it’s sharks who are cold blooded isn’t it? But how did the parole board not spot that this whale was a killer? It must have been written somewhere on his file.’ Others were angry that liberal do-gooders had allowed the killer to be kept in luxurious conditions while he was in captivity. ‘He was fed his favourite fish all day, given brightly coloured balls and hoops to play with. They even gave him a large pair of glasses to swim around with. It was like a pleasure park in there.’

Florida currently has the death penalty for first degree murder, but apparently does not have an electric chair big enough for the whale. The state had been toying with hanging, but when they prepared an enormous noose, the whale just jumped out of the pool and through the loop, to the rapturous applause of the audience.

The orca’s lawyers are currently appealing against the execution. ‘No way was this murder,’ said the defence lawyer, who is claiming that the media’s use of the phrase ‘killer whale’ is prejudicial to the case. ‘The Compassionate Whale and the trainer had an unwritten agreement. We’re claiming this was assisted suicide’.

NewsBiscuit (One line Ian Searle)

27 February 2010

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Posted: Feb 21st, 2010 by NewsBiscuit

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