Amy Winehouse to be reclassified as Class B Celebrity


‘Ms Winehouse is being downgraded because she is having much less effect on people than we first anticipated,’ said Celebrity Tsar, Christopher Biggins. ‘We reserve Class A status for celebrities who have a serious impact on people’s lives. Amy Winehouse is probably no more significant than riding a horse that has just taken an ecstasy tablet – which, incidentally, is what she often looks like.’

‘Of course the whole thing is so derivative,’ said friend of the stars, Lionel Blair, ‘First drugs, then cosmetic surgery, now she is planning to remarry a man she only just divorced. This was all done years ago by Elizabeth Taylor.’

Ms Winehouse is just the latest victim of the Government’s new celebrity reclassification scheme. Other downgraded celebs include Robbie Williams, Katie Price and Anne Widdicombe. ‘Each of these celebrities remain famous but they are producing smaller and smaller effects,’ said Celebritologist, Dr Hildegard of Bingen, ‘Of course they are all still dangerous if you take them in high enough quantities. But the worst you are likely to suffer is a headache or nausea.’

The Celebs Advisory Board are playing a game of catch up as new celebrities appear out of nowhere and then disappear again. ‘We had only just classified Jedward as ‘mostly harmless’ and now they’ve vanished,’ said Biggins. ‘Meanwhile, some celebrities that have recently appeared on the market may be very dangerous indeed. Michael McIntyre, for example, seems innocuous enough but in the long term may lead to feelings of emptiness, dispondency and perhaps even suicide.’

Share this story...

Posted: Feb 22nd, 2010 by

Click for more article by ..

© 2020 NewsBiscuit | Powered by Deluxe Corporation | Stories (RSS) | T & C | Privacy | Disclaimer