After Britain’s poor showing at the Winter Olympics, Team GB is calling for specialist British Winter events, to include Downhill Tin Tray, Super G Poly Bagging and Ungritted Pavement Ice-Dancing.
‘We would like to see some uniquely British events included in the 2014 games, such as The Ice Scrum,’ said a Team GB spokesman. ‘Triggered by a radio flash that B&Q has rock salt in stock, the race is on. Although deemed a non-contact sport, this event sees some of the bloodiest injuries as the hoard descend upon the bags and carry them out two at a time.’
The new schedule would also include a triathlon endurance event, which involves setting out at night in a W-reg Renault Clio fuelled with only a gallon of petrol across un untreated B road, being trapped for three hours in a snow drift and then having to stay overnight in a village hall next to a 70-year old with no control of his bladder.