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Archive for February, 2010

Piers Morgan cries during TV interview as Gordon Brown asks about his lost moral compass

In his most revealing interview to date, Mr Morgan sobbed as he came to terms with the loss of his moral compass.

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Posted: Feb 13th, 2010
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Physicists riot at pantomime after unfeasible balloon gag

'Oh no it doesn't'The rioting at Wimbledon Theatre moved into its third day yesterday, as physicists attending a pantomime continue to react angrily to a balloon gag that defied the laws of physics. ‘I like a joke as much as the next man, and I’m prepared to suspend disbelief for a night at the theatre,’ said physics lecturer Marek Banasiak, who had treated his students to a night at the theatre. ‘But when you see a man being handed a balloon, filled with air, and he subsequently begins to levitate, that really is beyond the pale of scientific feasibility.’

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Posted: Feb 13th, 2010
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ITV denies desperation as it plans ‘Celebrity Prostitute’

In a move branded ‘bold’ in some quarters and ‘sheer madness’ in others, the troubled commercial broadcaster ITV has confirmed it will make a new reality show based on the world’s oldest profession.

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Posted: Feb 12th, 2010
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Giant Sheen still haunting US coastal waters

A looming and menacing presence is terrorising the West Coast of America. A 46-year old scuba-diver has become the latest person to fight off repeated attacks by a 6ft Great White Charlie Sheen. The diver struck Sheen on the nose with a speargun until he swam away

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Posted: Feb 12th, 2010
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1970s barmaid sues Sweeney for emotional distress

still refusing to 'shut it'Sandra Connor, a 58-year-old part-time clerical assistant from Dagenham, has made allegations to the Police Complaints Authority of sexist conduct on the part of two officers from the Metropolitan Police’s ‘Flying Squad’.

According to Connor, who was a buxom 22-year-old barmaid at the time, the incident occurred one night in April 1974, when Detective Inspector Regan and Seargent Carter raided the home of her then boyfriend, Frank Miller. Miller, a small-time crook from the East End of London, was suspected of leading a cigarette-smuggling ring.

‘Naturally I was stark naked,’ said Connor. ‘I woke up, sat bolt upright in bed with my breasts jiggling slightly and asked them what the hell they were doing.’

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Posted: Feb 12th, 2010
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