In the show, the millionaire benefactor visits an ailing political party and restores it’s fortunes by pumping in millions of pounds. ‘He was amazing’ said Dave, a community worker, ‘he turned up, took a look at the shambles we had got ourselves into and slapped £4 million on the table just like that.’ ‘We just couldn’t believe our luck,’ added George, a trainee project worker, ‘Good old Mr Ashcroft. He’s a real life saver.’
The programme, to be broadcast next week, shows how Lord Ashcroft would disguise himself as a regular party worker, even though he was in fact an international businessman from Belize with an estimated fortune of £1,100 million. ‘He really doesn’t like to talk about money,’ said Dave, ‘and after all he has done for us we certainly didn’t want to embarrass him by raising the issue.’
Lord Ashcroft has recently revealed his tax status as that of a Non-Dom. ‘I prefer to see him as a Con-Dom,’ said Dave, ‘He’s a bit rubbery and difficult to live with at times but he does offer us crucial protection.’
‘It is nice to think that with all my money I can make a real difference to ordinary people’s lives,’ said Lord Ashcroft, ‘and when I saw these Old Etonians in trouble I knew that I had to step in and do something to help.’ The money has already paid for Dave to have a crucial operation to airbrush his face and for George to attend remedial maths lessons.
‘As a billionaire I feel that I have a duty to give something back to society,’ said Lord Ashcroft, ‘although obviously, not in the form of tax.’
Ludicity (hat-tip to Scroat)