Merseyside Police were jubilant yesterday as a £12m surveillance operation secured the capture of the nation’s most wanted nuisance criminal, the Hosepipe Tangler, yesterday.
Christopher a.k.a. ‘Coils Malloy’ has been charged with wilful disarranging of garden hosepipes from Dover to Oban and even in the Shetland Isles. He has asked for 15000 other offences to be taken into consideration.
‘I cannot say how satisfied we are,’ DI Peter Marks of Merseyside Special Crime Unit told reporters.’ How many householders put the garden hosepipe away at the end of the summer, only to find in the spring it is a tangled mess with all sorts of kinks along its length? We expect that with Mr Malloy in custody, the public can handle long lengths of hose in complete safety.’
The press conference then came to an abrupt end after a microphone lead became tangled around DI Mark’s leg, causing him to trip off the stage.