Inner city gangs are increasingly eschewing dangerous dogs as status symbols for so-called ‘trophy wives’, according to the latest crime statistics.
According to one Brixton community support officer, this latest trend is an example of the continuing evolution of the average street gangs’ arsenal of weaponry. ‘Following the stamp-down on knife crime these thugs turned to bull terriers and the like, but with new dangerous dog legislation in the pipeline, any gang member worth his salt nowadays will more than likely have an overly tanned dolly bird to defend his turf.’
Experts believe that the problem is being exacerbated by the amount of eligible women flooding the black market following the recent collapse of the WAG trade. A leading sociologist explained ‘after going through the team like a dose of salts, WAGs are being dumped by players before the tabloids get wind of what’s going on – it’s only natural that these abandoned creatures seek the company of other thugs.’