Downing Street excitedly claimed that the economy was back on the road to recovery today following reports from office workers that Canary Wharf colleague Jonathan Leadbetter had paid for a round of drinks without poncing off his mates.
Leadbetter’s legendary borrowing in the current financial year slowed from a record high of £50 to £10 despite fellow drinkers forecasting he could never cut his deficit. ‘We’re accustomed to Jonathan ordering at the bar, albeit belatedly, then patting his pockets and saying: ‘Can you help me out here, I’ll see you all right tomorrow’,’ said a colleague. ‘When we saw he was about to splash the jolly old cash we all ordered Flaming Ferraris. Woohoo! Recession? What recession?’
The Cabinet celebrated by heading to a House of Commons bar, where they were informed they would no longer be allowed to purchase drinks on credit.